You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
