she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
