i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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