STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
