it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
