We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
