so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
