my text book just quoted the cookie monster
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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