Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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