I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
