she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
