I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
