maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
