when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
