I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
