I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
