It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
