I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
