when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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