I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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