Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
