yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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