I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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