you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
