What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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