Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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