just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
