If that was your dad, he is hot
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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