That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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