Me too!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
