Fuck appropriateness.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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