I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Green mimosas i think yes
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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