i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
