Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We talked him into tasing himself.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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