i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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