eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
