Cold hands, warm shart.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
