so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
