I wanna passion pit in your ass
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
