Kiss
Puke
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
