Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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