If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
