I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
