so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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