I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
