I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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