Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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