he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
That accounts for only three of the penises
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
