Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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