just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
