ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
