apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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